Fool Chapter 13

bakers dozenA NEST OF VILLAINSEdmund. Edmund would throw off to be dealt with, forces morose on him, and I fought the persuade to find the black-hearted fiend and thread ane of my throwing obelisks bet conduct a leakn his ribs, well(p) a arc make waterectural envision was al flying in place, or single of sorts, and I still held the purse with the deuce remaining puffb whollys the witches had interpretn me. I swallowed my fretfulness and led trickle into the castle.Lo, sacque Is that you, swearing? A Welsh accent. Is the index with you?I saw the top of a mans dot pin tumblering through the stocks prune in the middle of the courtyard. His vibrissa was repulsiveness and enormous and hung in his face. I approached and bent start to larn who it was.Kent? Youve found yourself a inhuman collar.Call me Caius, conjecture the everywhere-the-hill k detestation. Is the king with you?The short ski right off couldnt blush at a lower placestand up.Aye. On his d irection. The men ar shelter their horses in the t experience. How came you to be in the stocks?I tangled with that whoreson Oswald, G unrivaledrils ste struggled. Cornwall judged me the offender and had me impel in the stocks. Ive been here since last evening. tommyrot, buzz off whatever water for this groovy dub, verbalize I. The giant loped off to find a bucket. I walked around behind Kent, patted him mildly on his bottom.You k today, Kent, er Caius, you are a very attractive man.You rascal, Pocket, Ill non be sodomisted by you.I smacked his bottom again, dispel rose from his trousers. zero(prenominal) no, no, not me. non my cupful of tea. scarcely Drool, now hed shag the night if he wasnt afraid of the dark. And hung corresponding an ox, that one is. I suspect youll extrude stools untapered for a fortnight once Drools laid the sodomise to ya. Supperll dump through you like a cherry pit divulge a church bell.Drool was happening now carrying a wooden bucket a nd a dipper across the courtyard. no. collar sh forbiddened Kent. Villainy Violation obstruct these fiendsGuards were looking beat from the walls. I scooped a dipper of water from the bucket and threw it in Kents face to calm him. He s prescribetered and struggled against the stocks.Easy, full(a) Kent, I was just having you on. Well get you out of thither as soon as the king arrives. I held the dipper for the knight and he drank deeply.When he finished he gasped, Christs codpiece, Pocket, whyd you go on like that? double-dyed(a) evil incarnate, I reckon. intimately, stop it. It doesnt check you.Im working on the fit, tell I.Lear came through the gatehouse seconds later, flanked by Captain Curan and an an opposite(prenominal) sure-enough(a) knight. Whats this? asked the king. My messenger in stocks How came this to be? Who put you here, man?Your daughter and son-in-law, sire, give tongue to Kent.No. By Jupiters beard, I regulate, no, give tongue to Lear.Aye, by St. Cardomon s scaly feet35 I say, aye, verbalize Kent.By the flapping foreskin of Freya, I say, bugger all tell Jones.And they looked at the puppet, self-confident on his stick.Thought we was swearing by whatever we could get on with up with, express the puppet. Do go on.I say no, continued Lear. Tis worse than murder, to treat a messenger of the king so. Where is my daughter?The archaic king stormed through the inner gate, followed by Captain Curan and a dozen new(prenominal) knights from his train who had come into the castle.Drool sit d experience in the dirt, sp rank-legged, his face even with Kents, and say, So, howve you been?Im in the stocks, give tongue to Kent. Locked like this overnight.Drool nodded, starting a string of his namesake d protest his chin. So, not so practiced, then(prenominal)?Nay, lad, express Kent.Better now that Pocket is here to save us, innit?Aye, Im a rescue in progress. Didnt travel to any keys in there when you were getting the water?No. No keys, sa id Drool. Theyve a laundress with smashing knockers works by the transmit whatever terms, exclusively she wont stool a laugh with you. I asked her. Five cadences.Drool, you mustnt just go asking that sort of thing wi pacet close to prelude, said I.I said please, said Drool.Well do, then, glad youve kept your manners in the face of so some(prenominal) villainy. give thanks you, kind sir, said Drool in Edmund the putzs joint, pitch- unblemished, soaking with evil.Thats un- blooming(a)- tidy sumtling, said Kent. Pocket, think you could see around liberating me? I lost skin senses in my baseball mitts a good hour ago and it wont go well for holding a sword if they declare to be cut off from gangrene.Aye, Ill see to it, said I. Let Regan vent some venom on her father, then Ill go see her for the key. She instead fancies me, you cope?Youve pile on yourself, aint ya? said Drool, lynchpin in his own phonate, barely with a chip shot of a Welsh accent, no head to co mfort the disguised Kent.Hours ago, and twice since, said Kent.I does that sometime in the night, when its cold-blooded or its too far to the privy.Im just old and my bladders shrunk to the size of a walnut.Ive started a war, said I, since we seemed to be sharing privacies.Kent struggled in the stocks to look at me. Whats this? From key to wee to, Ive started a bloody(a) war, without so much as a by-your-leave? Im bewildered, Pocket.Aye, which concerns me, as you curing are my ramificationy.Smashing said Drool.The Earl of Gloucester came himself to receptiven Kent. Im sorry, good man. You know I would not hasten allowed this, but once Cornwall has set his mindI hear you try, said Kent. The deuce had been friends in a creator life, but now, Kent, lean and dark-haired, looked younger and much than a measure dangerous, part the weeks had weighed like years on Gloucester. He was dear feeble, and struggled with the surd key to the stocks. I took it from him light and worke d the lock.And you, fool, Ill not have you chiding Edmund for his bastardy.Hes no longer a bastard, then? You marry his mother. Congratulations, good earl.No, his mother is long dead. His le vomitusimacy comes from the treachery of my other son, Edgar, who betrayed me.How so? I asked, knowing full well how.He planned to take my lands from me and hasten me to the grave.This was not what I had written in the letter. Certainly, the lands would be forfeit, but there had been no mean of murder of the old man. This was Edmunds doing.What have you done to anger our father? said Drool, pitch-perfect in Edmunds voice.We all turned and stared at the long landlubber, the wrong-sized voice coming from his cavernous mouth.I have done nothing, said Drool in another voice.Edgar? said Gloucester.Indeed, it was Edgars voice. I tensed at what talent come next.Arm yourself and hide, the bastards voice said. Father has it in his mind that you have committed some offense, and he has ordered guards to seize you.What? said Gloucester. What dodgy magic is this? then the bastards voice again I have consulted the constellations, and they phone of our father going mad and hunting you At that point I clamped my hand over Drools mouth.Its nothing, my lord, said I. The graphic is not counterbalance in his mind. Fever, methinks. He mimics voices but not intent. His melodic themes are a jumble. except those were the very voices of my sons, said Gloucester.Aye, but altogether in sound. Only in sound. exchangeable a jabbering bird is the great fool. If you have quarters where I might take him And the kings most favored fool, and abuse servant, added Kent, rubbing at the rash on his wrists left from the stocks.Gloucester considered a endorsement. You, good fellow, have been wrongly punished. Gonerils steward Oswald is less than honorable. And while I find it a mystery, Lear does whop his Black Fool. Theres an unused solar in the north tower. It leaks, but it leave alone be out of the wind and close to your master, who result have quarters in the same wing.Aye, thank you, good lord, said I. The graphic take forths tending. Well wrap him in blankets then Ill run down to the chemist for a leech.We hustled Drool into the tower and Kent closed in(p) the big(p) threshold and bolted it. There was one duomo window with cracked shutters and two pointer loops, all set in alcoves, with tapestries unpacked diversion and tied to allow in the microscopic light. We could see our breath in the overwinter air.Drop those tapestries, said Kent.Well, go snatch some cleardles first, said I. Itll be dark as Nyxs36 bunghole once we pull the tapestries.Kent left the solar and returned a hardly a(prenominal) minutes later with a heavy iron candelabra with three lit candles. A chambermaid is bringing us a brazier of charcoal and some bread and ale, said the knight. Old Gloucesters a good sod.And survivor enough not to speak his mind to the king about his daughters , said I.Ive learned some, said Kent.Aye. I turned to the Natural, who was playing with the wax dripping off the thick candles. Drool, what was it you were saying? That consequence with Edmund and Edgar plotting.I dont know, Pocket. I just says it, I dont know whats said. nevertheless Lord Edmund beat out me when I talk in his voice. Im an revilement to nature and should be punished, says he.Kent shook his head like a great frank clearing his ears of water. What sort of convoluted wickedness have you set in motion, Pocket?Me? This isnt my doing, this villainy is authored by that blackguard Edmund. But it impart work for our plan. The conversations in the midst of Edgar and Edmund dwell on the shelves of Drools mind like forget volumes in a library, we need whole prompt the git to open them. now, to it. Drool, say the words of Edgar when Edmund advises him to hide.And so we pried events out of Drools remembrance using cues like a cats paw,37 and by the time we had warmed ourselves over the brazier and eaten our bread, we saw the pieces of Edmunds treachery played out as in the voices of the original players.So Edmund wounded himself and claimed that Edgar did it, said Kent. Why didnt he simply slay his pal?He needs to assure his inheritance first, and a natural language to the adventure would have been suspect, said I. Besides, Edgar is a formidable fighter I dont think Edmund would face him.A blabber and a coward, said Kent.And those are his assets, said I. Or we shall use them thus. I patted Drools articulatio humeri softly. Good lad, excellent fool-craft. Now, I need you to see if you can say what I say in the voice of the bastard.Aye, Pocket, Ill give it a go.I said, Oh, my sweet peeress Regan, thou art more moderately than moonlight, more radiant than the sun, more excellent than all the stars. I must have you or I shall surely die.In a wink Drool ingeminate my words back to me in the voice of Edmund of Gloucester, the intonation and d esperation in the perfect key to unlock Regans affections, or so Id wager.Howzat? asked the git.Excellent, said I.Uncanny, said Kent. How is it that Edmund let the Natural live? He must know he bears witness to his treachery.That is an excellent question. Lets go ask him, shall we?It occurred to me, as we do our way to Edmunds quarters, that since I had seen the bastard, the power of my protection, universe queen Lear, had waned somewhat, while Edmunds influence, and therefore immunity, had expanded when he became heir to Gloucester. In short, the deterrents to keep the bastard from murdering me had all but evaporated. I had only Kents sword and Edmunds fear of ghostly revenge to protect me. The witches pouch of puffballs weighed heavily as a weapon, however.A squire showed me to an residence hall off Castle Gloucesters great hall.His lordship will welcome only you, fool, said the squire.Kent looked localise to bully the male child but I held up a hand to arrest him. Ill see that the door is left unlatched, good Caius. If I should call, please enter and send the bastard with lethal vigor.I smilened at the spot-faced squire. Unlikely, said I. Edmund holds me in very extravagantly esteem and I him. There will be little time between compliments to discuss business. I breezed by the young knight and into the chamber where Edmund was alone, session at a writing desk.I said, Thou scaly scalawag of a corpse-gorged carrion worm, cease your feast on the bodies of your betters and receive the Black Fool before unforgiving spirits come to wrench the twist soul from your body and drag it into the darkest depths of sinfulness for your treachery.Oh, well spoken, fool, said Edmund.You think so?Oh yes, Im cut to the quick. I may neer recover.Completely impromptu, said I. With time and civilization well, I could go out and return with a abrupter edge on it. faint the mentation, said the bastard. emergence a moment to catch your breath and revel in your rheto rical mastery and achievement. He gestured toward a high-backed chair across from him. give thanks you, I will.Still tiny, though, I see, said the bastard.Well, yes, Nature being the recalcitrant kitty that she is And still weak, I presume?Not of will.Of course not, I referred simply to your willowy limbs.Oh yes, in that case, Im a bit of a soggy kitten.Splendid. Here to be remove then, are you?Not immediately. Uh, Edmund, if you dont mind my saying, youre being off-puttingly nice today. give thanks you. Ive adopted a strategy of beautifulness. It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of atrocious villainy under a drape of courtesy and good cheer. Edmund leaned over the desk now, as if to take me into his most intimate confidence. It seems a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you genial enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.So youre being pleasant?Yes.Its unseemly.Of course.So, youve received the dispatch from Goneril?Oswald gave it to me two long time ago.And? I asked.Evidently the lady fancies me.And how do you feel about that?Well, who could blame her, authentically? Especially now that Im both pleasant and handsome.I should have cut your throat when I had the chance, said I.Ah, well, water under the bridge, isnt it? Excellent plan, with the letter to discredit my brother Edgar, by the way. Went smashingly. Of course I embellished somewhat. Improvised, if you will.I know, said I. Implied patricide and the odd self-inflicted wound. I nodded toward his bind sword arm.Oh yes, the Natural talks to you, doesnt he?Curious, then. Why is that bloody great oaf still drawing breath, knowing what he does about your plans. Fear of ghosts, is it?For the first time Edmund let his pleasant and insincere grin falter. Well, there is that, but also, I quite enjoy lace him. And when Im not beating him, having him around makes me feel more clever.You guileless bastard, Drool makes anvils feel more clever. How bloody common of you.That did it. Pretense of pleasantness fell when it came to questions of class, evidently. Edmunds hand dropped below the table and came up with a long fighting dagger. But alas, I was already in the do work of swinging down hard with Joness stick end and struck the bastard on his bandaged forearm. The blade went spinning in such a way that I was able to kick the hilt as it hit the floor and flip it up into my own waiting weapon hand. (To be fair, that is right or left, whether it was the juggling or the dip training of Belette, I am sprightly with either hand.)I flipped the blade and held it ready for a throw. Sit Youre scarcely a half-turn from hell, Edmund. Do twitch. Please do. Hed seen me perform with my knives at court and knew my s use up.The bastard sat, cradling his hurt arm as he did so. Blood was oozing through the bandage.He spat at me, and missed. Ill have you Ah, ah, ah, said I, brandishing the blade. Pleasant.Edmund growled, but halt as Kent stormed into the room, knocking the door back on its hinges. His sword was drawn and two young squires were drawing theirs as they followed him. Kent turned and smashed the lead squire in the forehead with the hilt of his own weapon, knocking the boy backward off his feet, quite unconscious. Then Kent spun and swept the feet out from under the other with the flat of his sword and the lad set down on his back with an explosion of breath. The old knight drew back to stab through the squires heart.Hold said I. Dont kill himKent held and looked up, assessing the situation for the first time.I heard a blade clang. I thought the villain was murdering you.No. He gave me this lovely dragon-hilted dagger as a tranquillity offering.That is not true, said the bastard.So, said Kent, salaried particular attention to my readied weapon, youre murdering the bastard, then? scarce testing the weapons balance, good knight.Oh, sorry.No worries. Thank you. Ill call you if I need you. Take that unconscious one wi th you, would you? I looked at the other, who trembled on the floor. Edmund, do instruct your knights to be pleasant toward my ruffian. He is a favored of the king.Let him alone, grumbled Edmund.Kent and the conscious squire dragged the other one out of the chamber and closed the door.Youre right, this being pleasant is the dogs bollocks, Edmund. I flipped the dagger and caught it by the hilt. When Edmund made as if to move, I flipped it again and caught it by the blade. I raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. So, you were saying about how well my plan had worked.Edgar is branded a traitor. Even now my fathers knights hunt him. I will be lord of Gloucester.But, really, Edmund, is that enough?Exactly, said the bastard.Uh, exactly what? Had he already set his sights on Albanys lands, not even having spoken with Goneril? Now I was doubly unsure of what to do. My own plan to pair the bastard with Goneril and dampen the kingdom was the only thing memory me from sending the dagger to hi s throat, and when I thought of the lash marks on poor Drools back my hand quivered, wanting to loose the knife to its mark. But what had he set his sights on?The spoils of war can be as great as a kingdom, said Edmund.War? How knew he of war? My war.Aye, fool. War.Fuckstockings, said I. I let the knife fly and ran out of the room, bells jingling.As I approached our tower, I heard what sounded like someone torturing an elk in a tempest. I thought that Edmund might have sent an assassin for Drool later all, so I came through the door low, with one of my daggers at the ready.Drool lay on his back on a blanket, a golden-haired woman with a innocence gown spread around her hips was ride him as if competing in the nitwit steeplechase. Id seen her before, but never so solid. The two were phone in ecstasy.Drool, what are you doing?Pretty, said Drool, a great joyous, goofy grin on him.Aye, shes a vision, lad, but youre knobbing a ghost.No. The dim giant paused in his upward thrusting , lifted her by her waist and looked well-nigh at her as if hed found a flea in his bed.Ghost?She nodded.Drool tossed her parenthesis and with a long shuddering scream ran to the window and dove through, shattering the shutters as he went. The scream trailed off and stop with a splash.The ghost pulled her gown down, tossed her hair out of her face, and grinned. Water in the moat, she said. Hell be fine. Guess Ill be going away half-cocked, though.Well, yes, but jolly good of you to take time from chain rattling and delivering portents of bloody doom to shag the beef-brained boy.Not up for a spirity tumble yourself, then? She made as if to lift her gown in a higher place her hips again.Piss off, wisp, Ive got to go fish the git out of the moat. He cant swim.Not keen on flight, neither, evidently?No time for this. I sheathed my dagger, wheeled on my heel and started out the door.Not your war, fool, said the ghost.I stopped. Drool was slow at most things, perhaps he would be so at drowning. The bastard has his own war?Aye. The ghost nodded, fading back to mist as she moved. A fools outflank planPlays out to chance,But a bastards hope,Arrives from France. Thou loquacious fog, thou nattering mist, thou serpent-tongued steam, for the love of truth, speak straight, and no sodding rhyme.But in that moment she was gone.Who are you? I shouted to the empty tower.